Genre: Angst, Drama
Disclaimer: I only own the plot
Heechul finds himself deeply in love with his fellow super junior member Hangeng. Could this love be a blessing or is it a curse threatening to change everything he knows.
Chapter 1|| Chapter 2||Chapter 3|| Chapter 4|| Chapter 5||Chapter 6||Chapter 7 ||Chapter 8 ||Chapter 9||Chapter 10a | | Chapter 10b ||Chapter 11|| Chapter 12 a|| Chapter 12b|| Chapter 13||Chpater 14|| Chapter 15
. It was nice doing things like this with each other. It was rarely just them anymore. They always had schedules so it was rare that they were all together like this. They were whole. Leeteuk sat up slowly.
“Okay we should be getting back guys”
They snuck out in their cake covered clothes not having any spares. Luckily for them they weren’t stopped by fans. It was a rush to get everyone showered and clean. Since it was Kibums last night they decided to clear the living room of the dorm and sleep there. It was very cramped with all fifteen members but it felt good. It was only starting to hit them that they wouldn’t have Kibum with them for six months. Slowly ever so slowly each member fell asleep. Heechul on the other hand couldn’t. Whoever was beside him was too close, stupidly he picked the spot closest to the wall.
“Am I squashing you?”
Heechul froze. Why was he next to Hangeng? He felt Hangeng shift. Whoops had he groaned out loud? Well at least Hangeng wasn’t pressing right against him. He tried to get to sleep but he couldn’t. There was something about knowing that Hangeng was lying directly beside him and in reaching distance that had his heart pounding. What felt like an eternity passed but Heechul still couldn’t get to sleep. He turned around. What he saw made his heart melt. Hangeng was lying on his side squished up, obviously uncomfortable. Hangeng had done that for him. This is what best friend did for each other wasn’t it? Sighing Heechul shook Hangengs shoulder.
“Hannie wake up”
Oh he said that name again didn’t he? Hangengs eyes flashed opened.
“H-heechul what’s wrong? Do you need more space?”
Heechul for some strange reason wanted to cry. Hangeng cared so much about him. If only they could be together. Heechul shook his head.
“I …I want you closer”
Oh gosh what did he just say?
Hangeng looked at Heechul weirdly. He had obviously gone crazy. He was about to turn back around when Heechul reached for him. Was this for real? Sure Heechul was big on skinship, not as big as Siwon, but he never let anyone sleep that close to him. Well except that one time he was drunk. He rarely let anyone sleep in the same bed as him actually. Shrugging his shoulders he followed Heechuls will.
Heechul sighed when Hangeng moved closer to him. It hurt his heart but at the same time it made his heart flutter. It was so comfortable. Was it supposed to feel like this? Was his heart supposed to flutter? Was it okay to crave the feeling to Hangengs skin? Was it okay to want to kiss those soft pink lips? Was any of this right? At that moment none of these questions mattered. They were in each other’s arms and that was okay.
They all woke up at the same time. With huge hugs and a kiss on the cheek from Heechul Kibum departed from the super junior dorms and went on his way. Six months may seem like a long time but it would pass very quickly. Everyone attended their schedules with Heavy hearts that day. Over the next week they spent as much time as they could together. Kibum leaving for six months made them realise how they took their relationship with each other for granted. Leeteuk acted even more like an Umma and surprisingly Kangin started to take the role of an Appa even though he was younger then some of them.
If Heechul wasn’t clinging to Hangeng he was clinging to Siwon. Kyuhyun seemed to cling to Sungmin, Ryeowook and Zhou Mi and Vise versa Ryeowook seemed to cling to Yesung and Henry as well. Donghae would cling to anyone who was close and most of the time that was Eunhyuk. Leeteuk would cling to every member that he could get his hands on. Shindong and Kangin were often included in this embrace. It was so strange that it felt so empty. There were still fourteen members living in the dorm but it just felt as if they were missing a big part.
Heechul sat on the couch sandwiched between Siwon and Hangeng. Would he feel like this if it had been Hangeng who left? Would he be able to support Hangeng if he ever decided to leave Super Junior? Just the thought of it made him sad. A life without Hangeng was no life at all. That’s why he can’t do anything. That’s why he can’t tell Hangeng how he feels. Losing Hangeng would be like losing his reason to live.
“Heechul my arm”
What? Oh he had accidently gripped Hangengs arm and was squeezing it to himself. Ah this was crazy. Everything was crazy. It was annoying. Why did he feel this way when Hangeng would never return his feelings? Why did his stupid heart crave for someone that could never be his? It was just plan annoying.
Heechul just sighed annoyed before getting up and walking to the kitchen. He needed to get his mind off all the annoying and depressing thoughts in his head. The eternal magnae Ryeowook was in the kitchen. Ryeowooks eyes widened when he asked if he needed any help but being an angel he handed Heechul a bunch of vegetables to cut. Why had he ever complained when it was his time to help in the kitchen? This was actually…fun? No that’s not the right word. It just kept his mind preoccupied. Let’s just say it was a much needed distraction.
All the members that were in the dorm eyed the food wearily when Ryeowook told them with a smiling face that heechul had cooked it. Heechul wouldn’t have done something to it would he? No not with Ryeowook standing in the kitchen next to him. Hangeng didn’t seem to hesitate as much as the others.
“Mmm it’s good”
And everyone started digging in. It was just a small compliment but why did it make his heart flutter. Heechul sighed it seems cooking only helps when you’re actually doing it.
It was starting to get annoying that all he thought about was Hangeng. When Hangeng was next to him his heart would flutter. When Hangeng wasn’t with him he would think about him and what he was doing. It was frustrating. He loved Hangeng but he couldn’t be with him. Sometimes he just wanted to scream; sometimes he just wanted to throw things and sometimes he just wanted to shake Hangeng and tell him that he loved him.
He had to give up on Hangeng. No matter how much he loved him they could never be together. Okay starting from today he’ll try to forget his feelings. He could do it after all nothing was too hard for the great Kim Heechul. His love seemed to increase so much more when he deemed that he would forget his feelings. Now every tiny little thing he did affected him. He once saw Hangeng mucking around with Eunhyuk. Why couldn’t he touch Hangeng so freely? Why couldn’t he wrap his arms around him without pain coating his heart? It was stupid, it was annoying but most of all it was painful. And that is when he started to ignore him. Instead of always being by Hangengs side he would sit next to Siwon or he would be playing with Heebum. Leeteuk would occasionally shoot concerned looks between the two of them but as much as he wanted to help them they had to sort it out for themselves.
It slightly angered Heechul that it took Hangeng three weeks to notice anything was wrong. Did his existence mean nothing to Hangeng that he didn’t realise that he wasn’t there by his side? Annoying that’s what it was. What annoyed Heechul even more was the fact that Hangeng didn’t seem bothered about it. In fact it looked like Hangeng enjoyed not having him around. Oh how that made his blood boil. He wanted to scream ‘do I really mean so little to you!’ He took his anger out instead on the cartoon character on the computer screen.
Siwon always seemed to be by his side. What surprised him the most was that he didn’t feel any annoyance towards Siwon. If any other member tried to enquire if everything was alright it would immediately put him in a bad mood, for some reason though this didn’t happen with Siwon. If anything Siwon would calm him down from one of his annoyed stages. One time Heechul was sitting in the kitchen. It was very late at night or extremely early depending on how you look at it. He didn’t want to go to his room because that was where Hangeng was.
Today just seeing Hangeng had him annoyed especially when Hangeng laughed so freely with his arm wrapped around Sungmin. He was struggling with a pain filled heart and Hangeng was happy. Emotions were tearing him up from the inside. He was happy that Hangeng was happy, He was jealous because he wanted to be the one that Hangeng wrapped in his arms, He was angry that he was in pain while Hangeng was free. Heechul was so absorbed in his thoughts that he didn’t hear someone enter the kitchen.
“Heechul? What are you doing up ?”
Of course it had to be Siwon. Siwon grabbed a cup out of the cupboard and looked in the fridge for some cold water.
“I just couldn’t sleep that’s all”
There was the sound of water being poured in a glass.
“You’ve been like this for a while is everything okay?”
Siwon placed the water bottle back in the fridge and turned towards Heechul with the glass in his hand. Why is it that he never got annoyed when he asked him this question? He managed a small smile.
“Yeah it’s okay”
Siwon sat across from him not saying anything else. It was completely silent. But it wasn’t one of those awkward silences. Siwon even got him a glass of water and set it in front of him. It continued to be silent for the next twenty minutes. Siwon of course was the one to break the silence.
“Are you going to bed?”
He asked as he washed their two cups and placed them on the rack to dry. Was he going back to sleep? He should but he can’t be next to Hangeng right now. He was starting to get annoyed already. Siwon leaned his back against the kitchen counter.
“Are you sure?”
Silence bathed the room again. There was no way for Heechul to win. Even if he did go back to him bed he wouldn’t be able to sleep.
Why was Siwon speaking so softly to him? It surprised Heechul when Siwon grabbed his wrist and pulled him up. What the hell was going on? Siwon looked into his eyes.
“Hyung I don’t know what’s wrong but you can sleep in my bed if you really want or since Kibums gone… I just know you won’t go back to sleep and you need it”
A frown graced itself upon Heechuls soft lips. It was true that he might get some sleep if he slept in Siwons room but to sleep in Kibums bed while he was gone would be wrong and he couldn’t just kick Siwon out of his bed. No his only option was to go back to his own room and attempt to get to sleep. His lips parted preparing themselves to tell Siwon but the words never had a chance to get out. Siwon had all but pulled Heechul towards and inside his room.
“I know you won’t sleep hyung so it’s okay.”
When Heechul looked like he was going to refuse Siwon picked him up and placed him on the bed. This wasn’t right Heechul thought as Siwon started retreating. The bed was so soft and comforting he felt himself melting under the temptation of sleep. How long had it been that he was able to get to sleep without his heart hurting. Wait he wanted to say to Siwon. It was Siwons bed after all he should sleep in it. His eyes started to droop. Had he asked Siwon to stay? Heechul couldn’t fight it no more and fell under the veil of unconsciousness.
a/n: i hope your all liking this so far. I just want to let you know that it will be another few days before i post again. Is it just me or is this one slightly longer? Well i promise i'll make it up to you by either multiple updates or longer posts. ~.^ enjoy